


It Wasn't You

by triskele_93



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, MCU, Marvel
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Civil War Compliant, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triskele_93/pseuds/triskele_93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A missing scene from Civil War as Steve and Bucky travel to take down the other Winter Soldiers. I just had a lot of feelings while writing this. I did already gift this to The_StonedSoldier over on tumblr but I wanted to do it here too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Wasn't You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheStonedSoldier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStonedSoldier/gifts).



The hum of the quinjet was just loud enough to drown out the rapid beating of Steve’s heart as they raced towards Siberia. He couldn’t tell if the pain in his chest was from the fight with Tony, the knowledge that he had had to leave his friends and teammates behind to face an uncertain fate or the revelation from Bucky that he hadn’t been the only Winter Soldier to be created.

Bucky.

Steve still couldn’t quite believe that they were both here, after the first few years since his emergence into this brave new world he had felt out of place, a man out of time. But with Bucky with him again, a sense of right, of calm had settled over him. There was pain and sadness naturally, but above all a feeling of coming home after a long journey away. Steve turned his head to the side under the pretence of checking one of the screens, but managing to catch a glimpse of Bucky as he sat behind him. Bucky had refused to sit in front of Steve, staring blankly at him when the idea was suggested to him then shuffling to the seat behind the pilot’s. Now he was checking his gun, removing and replacing the barrel, the magazine, clicking the safety on and off, his movements precise and methodical, every inch the sniper turned assassin that he was. His head was angled down, his dark hair curtaining his face, blocking Steve from seeing the expression of fierce concentration that he was certain was there. Bucky’s breathing was deep and even, his hands moving in sure motions that betrayed nothing of how he was feeling. Steve’s eyes lingered on him, waiting for him to look up, to see Steve watching him and for his face to break into the small smile that still haunted Steve’s dreams. When it became clear that Bucky was not going to look at him, Steve turned back to face the panel, heaving a small sigh before shifting to sit more comfortably.

The journey seemed to crawl by in the silence between them. Sentences formed themselves and then died in Steve’s head. He itched to speak to Bucky, to engage him in memories and half-remembered anecdotes of their past lives together, to tell him of the time Steve had spent without him, to wonder at how the world had moved on without them both to witness it, to mourn the loss of Peggy with him, but as Steve sat and watched the earth moving below them, Sam’s words from long ago echoed in his memory,

“He might not remember you…… Whoever he is now, he’s not the kind you save, he’s the kind you stop……He might not give you a choice.”

But Sam had been wrong. Bucky had remembered him, and not Captain America but Steve. Steven Grant Rogers. That had meant more to Steve than anything in the world, the knowledge that somewhere, deep down, Bucky knew him. The undeniable proof of the bond between the two of them reflected back at him in the widening, clearing grey eyes of his long lost best friend. Steve longed to find the words that would absolve Bucky of the blame and guilt that he carried, he ached to know how to gather his friend’s broken pieces and put them back together into something strong and whole. But he also knew that the guilt that Bucky carried, however misplaced, could not be wiped away by his words or his actions. He knew that Bucky would need to realise himself, that he was not to blame for what had been done to him, that he was as much a victim as the citizens of New York, of Washington DC, of Sokovia. 

The hours passed, the sky darkening above them. Steve checked the instruments, noting that they were not far from their destination, clenching his fists in his lap as a sense memory of the last time he had piloted an aircraft of this size and scale floated across his memory. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply in through his nose. He could feel Bucky’s eyes burning in to the back of his head, could barely hear his soft breathing behind him. He began to think of the team, of Natasha who had allowed them to flee in safety, of Scott and Sam and Clint who followed him without question. Of poor Wanda, so powerful yet so scared. Of the boy who had followed Tony into a fight much bigger than himself. He wondered what would happen when he returned to the States, whether the Avengers would disband, whether they would want him to lead them when Bucky’s soft voice broke through his thoughts,

“I’m not sure if I’m worth all of this, Steve.”

The words felt like a punch to his chest. To hear the closest thing that he had to family practically give up felt like a knife to the heart. Steve stared resolutely out of the window, his jaw clenching as he tried to find the right words to show Bucky that he was worth it, that Steve would burn the whole world to the ground before they let them touch him. When he felt like his anger was in check, he turned his head slightly to speak to Bucky.

“What you did all those years? It wasn’t you.”

Those words weren’t enough to convey the need Steve felt to tell Bucky that he was innocent, that Steve didn’t blame him for what had happened. But how could Steve possibly understand what Bucky had been through in the years that he had been in the ice? How could he understand the motivations of those that had turned his kind and beautiful friend into a cold hearted killer? The world had been at war, yes, but that was no excuse for the torture and pain that Bucky had endured at the hands of those in charge. The fact that Hydra hadn’t died with the Red Skull, but had instead managed to grow and infect the world whilst using Bucky as their personal puppet was enough to make his blood boil. Then in a voice so quiet he almost missed it over the roaring of the blood in his head, Bucky replied,

“I know. But I did it.”

Those words landed harder than any blow from Tony. Steve once again clenched his jaw, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, before checking that the quinjet was on autopilot and getting up from his seat. In a few steps he was stood before Bucky, who was determinedly looking at the ground and not at Steve. Steve dropped to his knees, picking Bucky’s gun up from his lap and placing it on the ground beside them. Then, making sure Bucky could see what he was doing, he gently placed his hands on Bucky’s knees. He waited as Bucky took in a few breaths, still looking at the floor, before speaking.

“Buck, I know that I can’t understand what they did to you, what happened to you, but I want to tell you something. You are a victim. You are not to blame for what they did to you, they tortured you and brainwashed you and made you do those terrible things. If I could, I would bring them all to justice but I can’t. Not on my own. I need you on my six. Just like old times.”

He huffed a small laugh at his words. None of them could go back, Peggy had told him that. Bucky lifted his head and looked at him, his grey eyes glassy but focused.

“You would bring every bully in the world to justice if you could, Rogers. Don’t make me special. I’ve done terrible things, Steve. I’ve hurt people- good people- who didn’t deserve what I did to them. I’m not worth all of this, if you knew the people that I’d hurt Steve, you’d let them throw me down a well.”

Steve gripped his knees tighter, tight enough to tell Bucky that he had to listen, that Steve meant every word that he was about to say.

“You listen to me James Buchanan Barnes. To me, you are special. I was prepared to walk to Austria to find you, I walked into a Hydra base with nothing but a fake shield and one gun with the hope I could bring you back. I burned SHIELD to the ground, and turned my back on the fucking UN because you came back in to my life. You think you’re the only person on this jet who has hurt someone that they didn’t want to? I can’t change the things that we’ve done, while we were together or while we were apart but know this; I would do anything to make sure that going forward, we stick together. Just like the old days.”

He smiled up at Bucky who was looking down at him with something close to wonder in his eyes. The silence pressed around them for a few seconds before Bucky began to laugh quietly. Steve stayed frozen on his knees, quickly thinking of what to do, before smiling and shaking his head slightly. It had been so long since he had heard Bucky laugh that he couldn’t bring himself to stop him. Finally, Bucky stopped laughing and looked down at him, still smiling though the smile didn’t reach his eyes as it used to.

“You never told me that you only had the one gun, Rogers. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t really. I just needed to know if you were still there so that I could bring you back. I wasn’t thinking much about the logistics of it.”

Bucky started to shake his head, his smile widening to show his teeth slightly. He looked back at Steve with unmistakeable fondness.

“You’re a punk.”

Steve grinned before replying, 

“Jerk.”

As Bucky continued to smile, Steve surged up hooking his arms under Bucky’s armpits and pulling him in to a hug. He clasped his shoulders and buried his face in Bucky’s neck. After a short pause, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and held on tightly, exhaling shakily against the back of Steve’s neck. They didn’t know what was waiting for them in Siberia but in that moment, Steve knew; whatever was waiting for them, if they wanted Bucky, they would have to go through him first.


End file.
